


Of Impossiblities and Sudden Death

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst??, M/M, Wtf??, fluff???, idk??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 16:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4927447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeonghan is thankful Jisoo's hands are gentle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Impossiblities and Sudden Death

**Author's Note:**

> god forbid you pronounce Jeonghan as Jee-Ong-Haan ;-;

Jeonghan is thankful Jisoo’s hands are gentle.

So far all of the outstretched limbs reaching and roughly pulling on him have been stifling.

He can’t move very well, or else pain completely engulfs his body and threatens to drown him.

He struggles to find words, his brain turned to mush.

Jeonghan’s fingers itch for the piano. Every part of his very being longing for his last moments to be filled with the sound his fingers make against each key. To play so hard his pads scratch and his nails go blunt without a clipper.

His thoughts lapse every now and then, just when he wants to hear Jisoo talking even if it hurts to even try to understand.

Jisoo warns him of this and Jeonghan shakes his head and grips at the other’s wrist so tightly it turns red and Jisoo frowns so Jeonghan apologizes.

 

_Calm down._

Why

?

_You’re going to make yourself pass out._

Jisoo holds his cheeks between his hands, thumbs pressed against the outer corners of his mouth and his fingers to his jaw.

_Just breathe._

He can’t.

He starts sobbing. Jisoo can only hold him gently. But Jeonghan thinks it’s probably better than being alone, tears would get everywhere and it would be painful to get rid of them.

 

Jeonghan doesn’t know how to tell Jisoo he wants the piano. He doesn’t even know how to utter the words.

He sits serenely on the edge of the bed, eyes glazed with tears. Happy tears. But Jisoo almost faints and Jeonghan almost laughs. He stops himself just in case Jisoo gets mad and gives him a weak thumbs up.

 

_You’re sure you’re okay?_

Jisoo is verging on frantic. Jeonghan smiles and does what he thinks will assure him.

 

 

Jeonghan can sense that Jisoo is afraid. Weary of everything he does. His fingers are more gentle. More ginger, always careful.

 

 _I’m not made of glass._ Jeonghan whispers in a voice that is barely audible. But Jisoo hears it as if he’d just screamed it into a microphone.

I know. Jisoo’s lip trembles but he bites it. _I know._

 

_How was I before?_

_Jeonghan._

_Tell me._

_Different._

_I’ve changed?_

_Jeonghan._

_How did I change?_

_Jeonghan._

_Tell me._

_Please Jeonghan._

Jisoo’s voice sounds like its breaking and Jeonghan softens.

 

“Okay. It’s okay.”

_I’m a ghost to you._

“You’re going to be okay.”

_I’m not even here._

“Jeonghan!”                             

_I’m nothing like the old me and you know it._

“Don’t go… Please…”

 

 

Jeonghan remembers the word and he tells Jisoo. Jisoo doesn’t remember him ever being able to play the piano. Jeonghan says it’s because he didn’t. Jisoo is confused, but gives in quietly. It pierces Jeonghan’s chest like a dagger.

 

You would’ve never done that.

You’ve changed too.

 

Jeonghan lives more, he breathes more. Jisoo seems like he doesn’t believe it. Jeonghan tells him the medicine is working. Jisoo doesn’t meet his gaze.

 

_How did you do that?_

_How would I know? It just came to me._

_That’s impossible._

_A lot of things are._

Jisoo swallows when Jeonghan’s eyes travel to the bottle of pills next to his bed.

 _A lot of things are._ Jisoo echoes.

 

Jeonghan convinces him to let him outside. It had been three months. Jeonghan is confused at how Jisoo managed to stand an immobile retard for that long. With his quicksilver thoughts and his brain that occasionally strays too far.

The air feels nice against his pale skin. The sun feels better.

Jisoo’s fingers suddenly around his waist feel the best.

They disappear along with his quiet apology and sullen gaze.

 _You know you liked to be outside, right?_ Jisoo asks quietly.

_With you. I liked it with you._

Jisoo’s lips part in the prompt of words, but they vanish as quick as they began.

 

Jeonghan throws the bottle so hard it breaks the window and lands with a crack on the ground below. Jisoo is shocked, Jeonghan is upset and scared and worried.

 _They were placebo?_ Jeonghan screams.

Jisoo nods.

_Why did they work?!_

_They didn’t! Obviously! You did it on your own._

_That doesn’t make sense. That’s impossible._

_A lot of things are impossible._

Jeonghan ignores him. Goes places. Travels. Makes up for all the time he lost in bed.

He cooks. He studies Mandarin. Takes piano classes. Does things his old self would have never done. He’s no longer afraid of being in social situations.

Jisoo accompanies him and talks even though Jeonghan remains unresponsive. He occasionally earns a smile when saying something funny and the other can’t hold it in.

He gets a dog and names it Joshua. Then talks to it while Jisoo is in the room. Watching from two couch chairs over as Jeonghan fondly strokes its ears and says things directed at Jisoo, yet not for him.

He starts singing and Jisoo begs for him to speak.

Jeonghan shrugs and glances away.

But Jisoo knows he’s waiting for something. He just doesn’t know what it is.

 

_I love you._

_You loved the old me._ Jeonghan’s response is immediate and knife like.

Jisoo rests his head on his arms. Jeonghan is silent waits for him to continue.

_I think I fell in love again._

_Yet you fell out of it._

_I thought you were going to die._

_I didn’t._

_You changed._

_I did._

_And I hated it. I hated the fact that you weren’t like you used to be. I told myself that I hated you._

_You never got rid of me. I’ve been here this whole time._

_I still loved you. But I was too scared to realize it, I would have never abandoned you._

_Even if you had stopped loving me?_

_I wouldn’t know now. Probably not. It’s hard not to love someone like you. Even harder to try to force hatred on someone who you had loved so much you convinced yourself that you hated them to hide the immense pain that would arise from your death. But it never happened._

_You never hated me._

_Never._

_I changed my mind._

_That was fast._

_No, I don’t think I fell in love again. I mean I never stopped but I know that I can give in now. Too difficult to try and hide it._

_Okay._

_It’s okay to hate me. But, I mean it would suck._

_I don’t hate you._

 

 

It takes three days and one night where Jeonghan is thankful that Jisoo stops being so gentle for him to give in as well.


End file.
